


The moment i knew

by sorryforbeingchaoticneutral2



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, i made myself cry making this but oH WELL, lmao one of them dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 09:20:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14713376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorryforbeingchaoticneutral2/pseuds/sorryforbeingchaoticneutral2
Summary: Keith Kogane in a healthy beautiful relationship with Damien Salta . And they have an adopted son named lance. The innocent question of: ' whom was i named after ? ' is asked and lets just say some ghosts are harder to let go .





	The moment i knew

It was October, and leaves looked almost like the colors of rich and golden brown and red and a little bit of green at-least thats what lance salta thought it looked like outside the car laying horizontally at the back seat he saw in awe the grey white clouds that looked different to the pink orangey afternoon sky. they were once again having family ride where they three were visiting the cabin next to a creek. It was his dads ,his first dad that is Damien salta , who was a cartographer , his papa, Keith Kogane was an astrophysics professor. With a dad who saw the who marked the world and a dad who could explain the beginnings of the universe and could explain over and over again on the millions of little enquiries that seemed to have no stop for lance , he knew two things : _his parents know the answer to everything and_   _he is loved ._

On reaching the cabin , Lance quickly got of the car running as far and fast as this 9 year old legs can. On reaching the inside with the cabin , he smelt the fresh scent of disinfectant and fresh wood with the feeling of rush he ran to ever door of the house opening it hoping to find a new treasure , a new memory . Knowing his dad is regretting in giving all the house and door keys  he can hear from the background his dad saying ' slow down will ya i'm getting to old , i have a bad back and I'm-' ' please can you not be like this' as a response from his papa in playful annoyance. the reason why he he was so excited when he finally got the key to the attic and keys to all the little locks of boxes is that he finally knew what , the attic has ,  _important stuff , things more valuable than all he has ever heard of from pirate books and myths and legends._ But for now he looked a the dark brown door carefully turning the lock , in an emotion he cant decide on if was it fear or excitement,  lance couldn't tell, but for now what seems like the biggest life and death scenario is him and this door. 

Opening the door carefully , taking delicate steps , in lances head he believes he may break the floor  and looks at the room and he saw a bunch of books, boxes and shelves filled with his old toys, he smiles in memory looking at the past treasures and suddenly he doesn't feel so alone in the massive room. On the shelf hidden lance spots a shade of bluish green in a shade he has never seen before. his hands holds the box gently stares at the color and sees the rustic golden detail.and decides to take it for further inspection in his room. for now thats all he can think of . on hearing his name he quickly runs back for now this box , its sacred , its precious and he cant seem to get his mind of it. for a minute he wondered if it belonged to Damien , for the colors were in the shades of blue his dad talks when he mentions the oceans and for that very minute he knew :  _this was kept away for a reason and whatever that reason maybe , it cant hurt me._

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

it was around 6 pm the box that was underneath his bed and his parents were downstairs cooking dinner and they knew their son was taking a nap. however in lances room he was wide awake turning on his pinkish-red lava lamp and slowly crept underneath his bed holding a box that now glowed purple ;placing on his lap he thought : _this is it . this is something valuable and important and i get to know one more thing about someone._

The contents inside the box were not specific like all the other boxes in the attic , the first thing he noticed was a toothbrush placed on top of the entire box of perhaps forgotten memories , the box contained also letters with a ribbon , maple leaves and wilted white flowers, keys , photographs of relatives and strangers and all he could think of is :  _who do you matter to ? whom do you belong to? where are you right now_  ? All these questions ran through his head , he decided carefully to take the first letter , crinkly old and tear stained  and read it hoping maybe it would make more sense.  

_**Dear keith ,** _

_**By the time you read this i am a dead man , 6ft underneath the ground. i want you to re read the first line again and again and again till it seeps to your bones: I am A dead person. while nothing in this world stopped me from not dying nothing in this world can bring me back to life . before i start anything i want you to know that whatever happened to me , it wasn't your fault. you need to understand this, now you being you i'm pretty sure you will feel guilty for a crime you didn't commit for maybe all of eternity. but this letter it is the living proof that i don't and never will blame you. and im sorry for all the pain i have caused over the years** _

_**Keith i wish you a lot of things : a good knife collection , your go too crappy coffee company that you always drink at full stock , luck, happiness , home , a lovely family . and i know you must hate me for what i did , and i'm asking you for not much. just for you to read this letter .** _

_**i hope that in any dimension after this very moment you never feel the bone aching , numb sadness that i felt , i hope you don't find it hard to breathe when your taking a shower or watering the plants or entering a subway station. You don't deserve that , after all you have been through you truly dont deserve that. if there is one thing keith that i , a person who struggled with all my heart to stay alive is that the world is just so beautiful and i hope you wake up knowing that you are loved and no matter how bad it is you have your support , your strength .** _

_**There are pieces of art , hope, music , human soul that linger on the best of our memory; i hope you get the best of all memories when you are staying alive i hope you see golden sunsets , see the vast oceans , the scent of rain and smoke and warmth is in your clothes even after a bad day. i hope you laugh at lines of beautiful literature , corny jokes that make your cheeks hurt because your lover is being so amazingly overwhelming. i hope you still enjoy looking for small details at artworks seeing colour like in a raw and pure form , where you can see each and every beautiful layer of brush strokes.** ** keith i want you to live ** **, this world is terrible and cruel to you and me leaving it proves your point ,but i hope that even after my death you can still see the beauty in it . just like the first time we met.  i hope you live to see all of this . i hope you live in this world unapologetically **_

_**love ,** _

_**lance mclain** _

_**resident goofball** _

_**//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////** _

****Lance carefully closes the letter , into its original form holding it close and within a minute the box was something now sacred and keeps it in the box closes it and it is kept underneath the bed. lance has now one question. and for a kid who had parents whom he was sure that knew everything lance was terrified of it being a strangers letter , after all there are millions of other people in this world with the same name as his parents. on hearing his name called for dinner. The blue and golden box stayed under neath the bed like a beautiful treasure .

Arriving downstairs to the dining hall he saw his parents from a crook o the stairs, with cheeks strained from bad corny jokes, his dad eyes brown eyes were crinkled and is giving this smile bring the feeling of everlasting hope that meant only one feeling to lance : safety. his other dad with his purple eyes now look like hes aged but so beautifully, they look now content and he can see that when the adults look at each other there is that look that only love and softness in here gave this look that said: i love you again and again and again, the room felt like it was bringing this lance to his senses and he slowly steps into the room. 

" Ah lance there you are i thought you were once again were not going to-" Damien says halfway stopping looking at his sons quietness and this look of slight fear in his eyes. like almost everything would disappear. he looked to his husband instinctively , wondering if they had done something wrong 

" lance, sweetie what happened" Keith says crouching to his sons eye level placing his hand at his sons shoulder '' can i ask you a question? '' lance says carefully scared he might break his dad if he says the wrong thing. '' anything " . there is a moment of silence before lances voice picks up '' i know I'm named after a person , i know that , but who was he ?'' . In that second al though Keiths eyes was still at his son and there was almost a hidden conversation between the two hand fell slowly on the ground. it was only after Damien had kept on his shoulder did Keith suddenly pull him self back again like as though the tide had fallen back and it didn't feel he was drowning at the thought of his dead lover.

'' i think you might want to sit for this '' Damien says in a soft and quite voice. Keith looks at his husband with eyes of lost hope and fear , but Damien was Keiths anchor , holding him steady despite all the years . and the two look back at their son knowing he needed to know the truth.   

'' The person you were named after , was Lance Mcclain, was my friend , my lover in-fact before i met your dad . I-i met him at a bridge and he did try to end his life , he was only 13 and i was 14. of course he lived a couple more years but he died a few years ago. ''

Keith says slowly now questioning on the next few lines with a deep breath he slowly continuous '' i remember lance teaching me to be brave , speaking for my self , falling in love with the idea of being bold .. i helped in trying to see the beauty of this world...... that letter that you read it was when i was 18 years old and i just finished high school ; lance and i just in high school , but more importantly we both were no longer friends. a few days when i had started , there was a news of a boy jumping of a bridge , and after that i think i couldn't live with the idea of me being in the same area as him , but i still did i passed of corse the same bridge again and again and agin , thinking : where did i go wrong ? could i have maybe , just even a small part ...saved him ?''

Keith looks at his husband and then at the wedding ring , for a moment lance saw him smile , '' the only good thing i do remember is meeting your dad that day, it was a year since then and i bumped into your dad , he took me to the very same coffee shop i took Lance Mcclain in. '' Damien chuckles lightly smiling at the memory '' that where i also asked your dad, by the way with his ugly haircut to marry me '' Keith looks at his husband in a disappointed look he looked at his son. 

Keith hold his sons shoulders once again , as though it was the most important thing he will ever say '' i named you not because of dead person lance, i named you because just like you have every day ; he too taught me things when he was alive as well as death , he taught me magical things , cruel things, beautiful lies , and ugly truth. Because i loved a man who was kind to show me the world and even though i'm hurt so much , i can live with it. Lance would talk about miracles and i loved him for it , but you, you're are a proof of miracles and i cannot tell stress on how much i love you, how much i love us. '' Keith stares into his husbands eyes. and adds '' lance was a beautiful person and it felt like a comforting universe, and even though a part of me always belonged to him , its nice  knowing that having you as my kid is saving not just an idea of him , a part of me is also saved '' keith breathes before giving a small laugh '' i probably am not making any sense ..''

'' no you did , '' lance says now with smiling tears in his eyes and hugs his parents. lance now knows three things :  _his parents know the answer to everything , he his loved , and everything will be okay._

the blue box lies still on the Lances shelf , now slowly collecting dust.                      

            

 

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**Author's Note:**

> yES IK IM A BAD PERSON  
> this was inspired by me hearing a sad ass youtube video and my brain went ,,,, put your otp in there. all characters that are voltron associated do not belong to me. the own characters are mine . idk if this is a multi-fic or not,,, lmao leave some love ,,, plan my funeral in the comments [ issa okay fam i too dead ] . the title also is stolen from a Taylor swift song which is also part of the inspiration [??]


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